What is Perfectionism?

“Fräu @brenebrown quotes Gretchen Rubin on working through perfectionism in the moment… — I remind myself, “Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good.” (Cribbed from Voltaire.) A twenty-minute walk that I do is better than the four-mile run that I” by bryanzug is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0

Contents

Perfectionism

Perfectionism is the belief that you must be flawless, or at least look flawless, and that anything less than “perfect” is failure. It usually comes with very high standards and very harsh self‑criticism when those standards aren’t met. Psychologists describe it as a personality style where self‑worth is tied strongly to performance and mistakes feel unacceptable rather than normal.

Key features of perfectionism

Relentless high standards: Goals are set unrealistically high and keep moving upwards, so “good enough” never feels truly enough.

Self‑worth = performance: How you feel about yourself depends heavily on doing well, being efficient, looking good, or not making mistakes. When things go wrong, the inner story becomes “I am a failure,” not “that task went badly.”

Fear of mistakes and criticism: Errors feel dangerous or shameful, so you may over‑check, procrastinate (waiting for the “perfect” moment), or avoid tasks where you might not excel.

Types of perfectionism

Research often distinguishes:

Self‑oriented perfectionism – “I must be perfect.”
Socially prescribed perfectionism – “Others expect me to be perfect; if I’m not, I’ll be rejected.”
Other‑oriented perfectionism – “People around me should be perfect too.”

The first two are especially linked with anxiety, depression, burnout, and relationship difficulties.

Why it’s a problem (and not the same as healthy striving)

Wanting to do well or caring about quality is healthy. Perfectionism goes further:

Standards are so high they are often unreachable.
The emotional cost (stress, self‑attack, exhaustion) stays high even when you succeed.
Enjoyment, learning, and relationships can get squeezed out by constant pressure.

In short, perfectionism is not just “having high standards”; it’s when the demand to be perfect starts to damage your well‑being, your relationships, and your ability to grow.