The Inner Critic
Within parts working, there is the concept of the inner-critic. This is the source of internal self-criticism, and often seen as a source of depression and a pessimistic outlook. In this article, we suggest that this inner critic, was once an inner-supporter, that became rejected and dissociated into take on that oppositional role.
We propose that our inner-critical parts, were all once inner-supporters that became distorted due to external environmental reactions.
Let us suggest that parts of the original genetically inherited higher-level parts is a “logical thinker.”; a part of the DNA-Self, that helps the child make rational decisions. That logical aspect of the child, then, may well be a driver, for the child’s curiosity. Perhaps one that questions the incongruences the child sees around it – That part of the child that might, therefore, be constantly trying to understand, always asking, “why?”.
The “Logical Thinker” as a Child’s Ally
Natural Curiosity: Children are inherently curious and ask “why?” to understand the world around them. This is a crucial part of their cognitive development, helping them make sense of their experiences.
Seeking Coherence: This “logical thinker” part is driven by a need for coherence and consistency. It wants to understand why things are the way they are, and it seeks answers from caregivers.
The “Why?” That Gets Rejected
Incongruence: When a child encounters inconsistencies or injustices in the world, their “logical thinker” might question these discrepancies. This can lead to uncomfortable questions for caregivers, especially if the caregiver is upholding societal norms that are themselves problematic.
Rejection and Suppression: If the child’s questions are met with dismissal, anger, or invalidating responses, their “logical thinker” can feel rejected and suppressed. This can lead to a sense of shame and a fear of asking further questions.
The Birth of the Inner Critic
Internalized Beliefs: The child might internalize the messages they receive from caregivers, leading to negative beliefs about themselves and their ability to think critically.
Distorted Logic: The “logical thinker” part, once a source of curiosity and exploration, can become distorted and critical. It might start to judge the child’s thoughts and feelings, leading to self-doubt and insecurity.
Self-Protection: This inner critic might even develop a “protective” function, discouraging the child from asking further questions to avoid further rejection or pain.
The Inner Critic’s “Why?” Becomes Self-Directed
Internalized Shame: The inner critic might turn its “why?” questions inward, constantly seeking explanations for why the child is not good enough, worthy of love, or capable of achieving their goals.
Negative Self-Talk: This inner critic might engage in negative self-talk, constantly criticizing the child’s thoughts, actions, and feelings.
The Importance of Reframing
Reframing the “Why?”: In Internal Family Systems, the goal is to understand and reframe the inner critic, recognizing its origins in the child’s need for coherence and its subsequent suppression.
Compassionate Understanding: By understanding the inner critic’s “why?” and its underlying needs, we can begin to approach it with compassion and acceptance, rather than judgment.
This perspective on the inner critic highlights the importance of early childhood experiences and the impact of caregiver responses on a child’s developing sense of self. It’s a reminder that the inner critic, while often perceived as a negative force, can be understood as a distorted version of a child’s natural curiosity and need for logic and rationality.
Parts as Genetically Inherited
The idea that logical thinking could be a genetic or evolutionary trait helps us to understand the potential origin of those inner-critics, and allows us to . Let’s explore this concept further:
Logical Thinking as an Evolutionary Trait
Survival Mechanism
Logical thinking can be seen as a survival mechanism that has evolved in complex animals, including humans. The ability to reason, solve problems, and make decisions based on logical deductions can enhance an organism’s chances of survival in a challenging environment.
Evidence in the Animal Kingdom
Research indicates that various animals exhibit forms of logical thinking:
- Crows and Ravens: Known for their problem-solving skills, they can use tools and solve puzzles.
- Primates: Species like chimpanzees and bonobos demonstrate advanced reasoning abilities and social problem-solving.
- Dolphins and Whales: These animals show complex social behaviours and communication, suggesting a high level of cognitive function.
Genetic Basis
While logical thinking itself may not be directly encoded in our DNA, the cognitive abilities that facilitate logical reasoning likely have a genetic component. Traits such as intelligence, memory, and problem-solving skills can be influenced by genetics, which in turn affect an individual’s capacity for logical thought.
Neuroscience Insights
Studies in neuroscience show that certain brain structures associated with cognition and reasoning have evolved over time. For example, the development of the prefrontal cortex in humans is linked to advanced reasoning and decision-making capabilities.
Social Complexity
Animals that live in social groups often exhibit higher cognitive abilities. The need to navigate complex social interactions may drive the evolution of logical thinking as a necessary skill for survival and cooperation.
Conclusion
In summary, while logical thinking itself may not be a trait carried directly in our DNA, the cognitive abilities that support it are likely influenced by our genetic makeup and shaped by evolutionary pressures. This makes logical reasoning a crucial aspect of survival for many complex animals, including humans.
The Window of Tolerance
Understanding the experiences of new parents through the lens of their window of tolerance can shed light on their challenges and resilience.
The window of tolerance refers to the optimal zone of arousal where a person can effectively manage their emotions and respond to stressors. When parents are within this window, they can think clearly, engage with their child, and cope with daily challenges. However, when stressors push them beyond this window, they may experience heightened anxiety or emotional numbness.
Factors Affecting the Window of Tolerance in New Parents
Increased Stress Levels: New parents often face overwhelming stress from various sources, including sleep deprivation, financial pressures, and the demands of caring for a new-born. This can significantly narrow their window of tolerance, making them less evenly balanced, and more likely to over-react.
Societal Expectations: Society often portrays parenting as a joyful experience, but the reality can be filled with challenges. Constant reminders of these hardships can create feelings of inadequacy and increase stress, further constricting their window of tolerance.
Loss of Logical Thinking: As mentioned, the stress and emotional turmoil can lead parents to lose touch with their nurturing tendencies, and instead perceive the child’s questioning as a threat to their self-integrity. This can make it difficult for them to respond to those questions, without becoming emotional, and reflect that inner self in a negative, “shut up”, response, and this may cause the child to stop asking questions, over time.
Impact on Coping and Resilience
Coping Mechanisms: When people are pushed beyond their window of tolerance, they may resort to maladaptive coping strategies, such as avoidance or withdrawal. This can hinder their ability to seek to support or engage with their child effectively.
Resilience: Resilience is the ability to bounce back from adversity. However, if parents are consistently operating outside their window of tolerance, their resilience may be compromised. They may feel overwhelmed and unable to recover from daily stressors.
Emotional Regulation: A narrow window of tolerance can lead to difficulties in emotional regulation. Parents may experience heightened emotional responses, making it challenging to respond calmly to their child’s needs.
Conclusion
Empathizing with new parents through the lens of their window of tolerance highlights the profound impact of stress and societal pressures on their emotional well-being. Recognizing these challenges can foster a more supportive environment, encouraging parents to seek help and develop healthier coping strategies.
Impact of Societal Toxicity of the caregiver relationship
The dynamics of parenting can be incredibly complex, especially when external pressures and judgments come into play. Let’s break down how gaslighting, blame shifting, and scapegoating can affect parents, and why it’s essential to recognize these behaviours:
Gaslighting
Definition: Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where one person seeks to make another doubt their perceptions, memories, or reality.
Impact on Parents: Parents may feel confused or question their decisions, leading to increased anxiety and self-doubt. This can undermine their confidence in their parenting abilities, making it harder to trust their instincts.
Blame Shifting
Definition: Blame shifting occurs when someone transfers responsibility for their actions onto another person or external factors.
Impact on Parents: Parents may find themselves unfairly blamed for their child’s behaviour or for not meeting societal expectations. This can create feelings of inadequacy and frustration, as they struggle to navigate their own challenges while facing external criticism.
Scapegoating
Definition: Scapegoating involves blaming an individual or group for problems or negative outcomes, often to deflect responsibility from oneself.
Impact on Parents: Parents may be made to feel like the source of all family issues, leading to isolation and emotional distress. This can hinder their ability to seek support, as they may feel they are constantly under scrutiny.
The Emotional Toll
Increased Stress: The pressure from these external “watchers” can significantly narrow a parent’s window of tolerance, making it harder for them to cope with stress.
Resilience Challenges: Constantly facing gaslighting, blame shifting, or scapegoating can erode a parent’s resilience, making it difficult for them to bounce back from setbacks.
Impact on Relationships: These dynamics can strain relationships not only with their children but also with partners and extended family, as parents may feel unsupported or misunderstood.
Conclusion
Recognizing these behaviours is crucial for fostering a supportive environment for parents. By understanding the challenges they face, we can create a more empathetic and nurturing community that encourages open dialogue and support.
The Caregiver – Child Relationship under stress
The inherent tension between a child’s natural curiosity and the often-unprepared world they are born into, they have some naturally inherited ways of spotting challenges, and to try and work out how to overcome that challenge. A child’s logical thinker is a tiny, persistent explorer, stumbling upon inconsistencies and asking “why?” while navigating a world where answers are often elusive, contradictory, or even actively suppressed.
Let’s break down this challenging dynamic:
The Child’s Logical Thinker
Natural Curiosity: Children are wired to understand their world. Their logical thinker is their internal detective, seeking patterns and explanations.
The “Why” Question: This persistent question is the engine of learning, driving the child to explore and make sense of their surroundings.
Incongruence Detection: Children are incredibly sensitive to inconsistencies, especially those involving their caregivers. When things don’t add up, their logical thinker flags it, seeking answers.
The External Pressures
Gaslighting, Blame Shifting, Scapegoating: These behaviours create a toxic environment where the child’s logical thinking is not only discouraged but actively undermined.
Parental Limitations: Parents, often overwhelmed themselves, may lack the emotional resources or coping mechanisms to address their child’s questions honestly and effectively.
Societal Inconsistencies: The wider world presents a multitude of contradictions and inequalities that can be confusing and distressing to a child’s developing mind.
The Result: Dissociation
Emotional Overload: The constant barrage of inconsistencies, coupled with the lack of validation or answers, can lead to emotional overload for the child.
Defence Mechanism: Dissociation becomes a coping mechanism to protect the child from overwhelming feelings of confusion, frustration, and hurt.
The Logical Thinker’s Fate: The child may suppress or compartmentalize their logical thinking, creating a sense of disconnect between their internal world and the external one.
The Importance of Understanding
Empathy for Children: Recognizing the challenges children face in this complex environment is crucial to supporting their emotional well-being.
Supporting Parents: Parents need resources and understanding to help them navigate these challenges and create a safe space for their child’s logical thinking to thrive.
Societal Change: Addressing systemic inequalities and fostering a culture of honesty and openness can create a more supportive environment for children’s development.
This is a powerful observation. It raises the question: how can we better support children in navigating these complex realities and finding ways to express their logical thinking without feeling stifled or invalidated? What steps can we take to create a world where children’s curiosity is nurtured, and their questions are met with honest and compassionate answers?
Our Genetic Inheritance
We might be able to observe that a caregiver, that has had a similar upbringing, and has therefore lost their our inner-logical thinker, will be less prepared to handle those questions from the child, without perceiving it as a threat to their authority and integrity.
We can also see that with this being the case, then that parent will have lower resilience overall, less able to respond to that child, and more likely to become upset or frustrated with the child for asking those “annoying” questions.
What this means, is that these difficulties in coping with everyday life, are a form of genetic continuum, and that the broken caregiver, will tend to raise, broken children
Reflection
This concept raises important questions about how we view our own behaviours and their potential impact on future generations. It invites us to consider how we can foster positive legacies and break negative cycles within our families and communities.
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