What is the Key to Happiness?

The key to happiness

The tip

Here is a simple tip for how to approach everything in your life:

Try to look for what is good in every situation, every change, and every experience you have. Do not judge something before you really understand it.

Always make yourself find some good first, before you allow yourself to think about what might be bad. Often, once you see the good, you also see that what looked bad at first may actually contain something positive.

Incorrect programming

Most of us have been taught, in the wrong way, to judge quickly and to look for what is wrong first. This happens because we have learned not to trust ourselves, or other people.

As explained in the peak-growth mindset pages, this built-in bias becomes a very sad and defeatist way of living.

Two secrets

There are two important truths behind this conditioning that show it is not the best way to live.

Secret one: Understand before you judge

• If you rush to judge something before you really understand it, you will almost always assume the worst.
• It is easy to imagine the worst when you do not have enough information and you are afraid of the unknown.

Secret two: A positive approach keeps you steady

• If you always look for the good in any change first, then when you find that good, you increase your resilience, before you look at any upsetting or negative parts that might show up later.

The point is not to avoid the bad parts. We do not want a “positivity bias” in the final result of our decision We look for the good first so that, when we later look at the bad, we already have some positive points that help us hold a balanced viewpoint.

The more good you can find in each situation, the more able you will be to handle any negative aspects of that situation.

This way of seeing things also helps us accept change and stay in a state of gratitude for the good parts of that change.

It really is as simple as that. When you think about it, it makes sense. Just look at how people behave when they stay stuck in constant judgment and separation. Wouldn’t it be better to do things differently and step onto a happier path instead?

Window of Tolerance

We also need to understand how our “window of tolerance” works.

The window of tolerance is an idea that each of us can only handle a certain amount of negativity or difficulty before we feel overwhelmed, can no longer cope, and go into fight or flight mode, wanting to escape in some way.

This window of tolerance, or mental resilience level, grows when we practice self-care, have good experiences, focus on positivity, and feel gratitude.