What is Trust?

Trust is what lets you relax with someone (or something) because you believe they will not harm you on purpose and will, most of the time, do what they say. It is a quiet feeling of “I’m safe enough here” that builds over time through many small actions, not big promises.

What trust is

Trust means:

• You believe someone is mostly honest with you.
• You expect their behaviour to be fairly steady and not wildly change without reason.
• You feel you can lean on them a bit, without always waiting for the ground to drop.

Trust is not the same as certainty. People are human and make mistakes. Trust is more like, “Even if things go wrong, this person is not out to hurt me and will try to put things right.”

There is also self-trust: believing that you will try to act in your own best interests, tell yourself the truth, and look after your needs.

How trust is built

Trust grows slowly through repeated experiences, such as:

• Someone saying they will do something, and then doing it.
• Them keeping your private information private (keeping secrets).
• Them owning up when they are wrong, instead of lying or blaming.
• Them showing care when you are struggling, not disappearing or mocking.

Each of these is like one brick in a wall. One brick is not much, but many bricks build something strong.

Self-trust builds in the same way:

• You listen to your feelings instead of always ignoring them.
• You keep small promises to yourself (rest, food, boundaries).
• You act in ways that match your values.

Over time, this creates the sense: “I can rely on myself not to drop me.”

How you know trust is missing

Lack of trust can feel like:

• Always waiting for someone to turn on you.
• Checking people’s words over and over in your mind.
• Feeling unsafe sharing your real thoughts or feelings.
• Telling yourself “They don’t really mean it” when someone is kind.

If you have been betrayed, neglected, or hurt in the past, especially by caregivers or partners, it makes sense that trust feels hard. Your nervous system learned that people can be dangerous, and it is trying to protect you.

Healthy trust vs. blind trust

Healthy trust:

• Is built over time.
• Pays attention to actions, not just words.
• Allows for questions and “no” when something feels off.

Blind trust:

• Ignores warning signs and gut feelings.
• Believes someone just because you want to, even when evidence says otherwise.
• Often leads to repeated harm.

Trust does not mean ignoring red flags. It means being open when things are good and willing to step back when they are not.

How to build trust with others

Start small: Don’t hand someone your whole life on day one. Share small things first and see how they handle them.

Watch what they do, not just what they say: If they often break promises, lie, or talk badly about others, that is information.

Be honest yourself: Say what you mean as kindly as you can. Admit mistakes. This invites the same from others.

Set and keep boundaries: If someone crosses a line, speak up early. If they respect your boundary, trust can grow. If they mock or ignore it, that’s a sign to be careful.

Give trust in layers: You can trust someone with a joke, then a worry, then a secret, then deeper parts of you—only as their behaviour shows they can hold it.

How to build self-trust

Listen to your gut: Notice tightness in your chest or stomach when something feels wrong. Take that seriously.

Keep small promises to yourself: Do a few tiny, doable things each day because you said you would. This teaches your inner self, “I don’t abandon you.”

Tell yourself the truth: Instead of pretending everything is fine, admit: “This hurts,” “I’m scared,” or “I don’t like this.” You can only protect and guide yourself from reality, not from a story.

Stand up for yourself, even a little: Say, “I’m not okay with that,” once where you’d usually stay silent. Each act of self-protection makes your inner self trust you more.

When trust has been broken

If someone breaks your trust badly (lies, cheating, betrayal, abuse), you have choices:

• You can step back or end the relationship to protect yourself.
• If both of you choose to repair, it will take time, honesty, and changed behaviour, and not just apologies.

It is normal to feel suspicious after being hurt. You are not “too sensitive”; you are responding to real pain. You are allowed to go slow, ask questions, and protect yourself while your sense of safety rebuilds.

A simple way to think about trust

Trust is like a bridge between you and another person, or between you and yourself.

• It is built baby-step by baby-step, through small, steady acts.
• It can be damaged by lies, neglect, or cruelty.
• It can sometimes be repaired, but not by pretending it never broke.

In plain terms: trust means “I believe you are, mostly, on my side, and I am on my own side too.” When you have that, you can relax more, love more, and live more honestly.