What is Self and Social Comparison?

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Self and Social Comparison

Everyone compares themselves to others because the human brain uses comparison as a quick way to answer “How am I doing?” and “Who am I?”. The trap is that people then start believing that winning the comparison is what will make them special or worthy.​

What self and social comparison are

Self‑comparison: Comparing your current self to another version of you: past, future, or ideal (“I should be further ahead by now”). This is often called temporal or self‑discrepancy comparison. This concept is explained in Self Discrepancy Theory.

Social comparison: Comparing yourself to other people: looks, success, intelligence, popularity, morals, etc. Social comparison theory (Festinger, 1954) says people do this to judge their abilities and opinions when there is no clear objective measure.​

Two common directions:

• Upward comparison – to someone “better off” (more successful, attractive, popular). Can inspire you, but often leads to feeling inferior and “behind,” especially on social media.​
• Downward comparison – to someone “worse off.” Can give a brief boost (“at least I’m not that bad”), but can create complacency or guilt.​

Research suggests a large share of everyday thoughts involve some kind of comparison, especially in appearance, wealth, and success.​

Why everyone does it – and thinks it will make them unique

Psychologically, people compare because:

• They want self‑evaluation – to know where they stand.​
• They want belonging and status – to see if they fit in or stand out.
• They hope that “being better” will create a sense of uniqueness and safety: “If I can just be more X than others, I’ll finally feel secure / special.”

Modern achievement and social‑media cultures amplify this: feeds are full of curated “best bits,” which invite constant upward comparison in looks, lifestyle, and success. People then chase a “unique” identity by trying to outperform others on the same narrow metrics (productivity, beauty, status) – which paradoxically makes everyone more similar and more anxious.​

Studies link heavy social comparison, especially upward comparison online, to lower self‑esteem, more depression and anxiety, and stronger feelings of inadequacy.​

How to step out of the trap

Notice when you’re comparing: Silently label it: “Upward comparison,” “Downward comparison,” or “Self‑attack via comparison.” Just naming it breaks the spell a little.​

Shift the question: Instead of “Am I better or worse than them?”, ask “Is this aligned with my values and needs?” That moves you from ranking to authenticity.

Limit high‑dose comparison environments: Curate your feeds, time, and company. Heavy exposure to idealised images and constant metrics (likes, scores, ranks) keeps your brain in compare mode.​

Measure yourself against your own path: Compare mainly with your past self (“where have I grown?”) and your realistic values‑based goals, not with strangers’ highlight reels.​

Practice self‑compassion: People who respond to their struggles with kindness and compassion, not contempt, are less damaged by social comparison and more able to use it constructively when it is helpful.​

In plain terms: comparison is a built‑in tool for understanding yourself, but it becomes toxic when you treat “being above others” as the only way to matter. Uniqueness comes more from living your own values than from winning someone else’s scoreboard.

Further Reading