What is Kindness?

Kindness

Kindness is the choice to respond to yourself and others with care, respect, and a wish to reduce suffering, even when it would be easier to ignore or criticise. It is not softness or weakness; it is a deliberate way of treating people, including oneself, as human and worthy.

What kindness is

Noticing that someone (or you) is struggling or has needs.
Caring about that, rather than dismissing it.
Doing something, however small, that helps or at least does no extra harm.

Kindness can be a gentle word, patience, a boundary said respectfully, a small practical help, or simply not adding more blame or cruelty.

Being kind to yourself

Being kind to yourself means treating yourself as you would treat someone you genuinely care about.

In how you talk to yourself: Notice your inner voice. Would you speak to a friend the way you speak to yourself after a mistake? If not, soften it:

Swap “I’m useless” for “I’m human, I messed up, and I can learn from this.”
Swap “I should be over this” for “It makes sense this still hurts; healing takes time.”

In how you handle limits: Kindness includes rest, saying no, and asking for help. It is not kind to push yourself until you break in the name of productivity or pleasing others.

In how you see your whole self: You are more than your worst moments or best achievements. Kindness means remembering that: you have strengths and flaws, good days and bad days, and all of that still counts as you.

In how you care for yourself: You know you are being kind to yourself when you regularly take time out for self-care, and you place self-care as a priority.

Why people struggle with self‑kindness

Many people learned that:

Being hard on themselves = being “serious” or “responsible.”
Kindness is something you give outwards, not inwards.
They are only worthy if they perform, help, or succeed.

So self‑criticism feels normal, and self‑kindness feels selfish or “letting yourself off the hook.” In reality, constant self‑attack drains energy and makes change harder, while kindness makes it safer to be honest with yourself and to try again.

Simple ways to practise

Ask: “If a friend were in my situation, what would I say or do for them?” Then offer the same to yourself.
When you notice harsh self‑talk, add a second line: “That’s the critic. A kinder view is…”
Give yourself one small act of care each day—a break, a walk, a decent meal, a moment to breathe, without needing to “earn” it.
Remember that you can hold two truths at once: “I want to grow, and I deserve respect while I do it.”

In plain terms: kindness is choosing not to be your own bully. It is learning to stand on your own side, so you have a safer base from which to live, learn, and grow.