What is Self-Respect?

“”Respect yourself and others will respect you.” – Confucius” by QuotesEverlasting is licensed under CC BY 2.0

Self-Respect

Self-respect is how you treat yourself on the inside. It means seeing yourself as a person who has value, deserves care, and is worth standing up for. It is not about thinking you are better than others; it is about knowing you are not less.

What self-respect is

Self-respect means:

• You accept that you have worth, even when you make mistakes.
• You try to act in ways that match your values.
• You don’t let others walk over you or treat you like you don’t matter.

With self-respect, you can look in the mirror and think, “I am not perfect, but I am still worthy of kindness and fairness.”

How you know you are respecting yourself

You are likely showing self-respect when you:

• Say “no” to things that hurt you or go against your values.
• Stop apologising for simply existing, needing rest, or having feelings.
• Choose friends, partners, and work that treat you decently.
• Admit when you’re wrong without crushing yourself with shame.
• Take basic care of your body, mind, and emotions because you are worth the effort.

You are not respecting yourself when you:

Let others regularly insult, control, or use you.

Call yourself names in your head that you’d never say to a friend.

Constantly betray your own boundaries to avoid conflict or to be liked.

Stay in situations that destroy you because you think you “deserve no better.”

How self-respect links to honesty, masking, and showing off

• When you have low self-respect, you may feel you must mask or pretend to be someone else to be accepted.
• You might show off, exaggerate, or perform to hide a deep fear of being “not good enough.”
• You might struggle with honesty, because the truth of who you are feels shameful or unworthy.

As self-respect grows:

• You feel less need to perform or wear a heavy mask.
• You can be more honest about your limits, needs, and feelings.
• You can say, “This is me, and even if not everyone likes it, I will not throw myself away.”

Ways to build self-respect (gentle, practical steps)

Start with how you talk to yourself

Notice your inner voice.

• If you hear, “I’m stupid / useless / disgusting,” pause.
• Gently replace it with something more fair: “I made a mistake, but I am learning,” or “I am struggling, but that does not make me worthless.”

You don’t have to jump to “I am amazing.” Aim for honest and kind.

Keep small promises to yourself

Self-respect grows when you can trust yourself.

• Pick tiny, realistic promises: “I will drink one glass of water,” “I will stretch for 3 minutes,” “I will go to bed 10 minutes earlier.”
• Do them as often as you can.

Each kept promise is a quiet message: “When I say I’ll care for you, I mean it.”

Set and protect boundaries

Boundaries are lines that protect your well-being.

• Say “no” when something feels too much or wrong.
• If someone repeats behaviour that hurts you, speak up early and clearly.
• If they ignore you, step back as much as you safely can.

Every time you defend your boundary, you tell yourself, “I am worth protecting.”

Choose your surroundings with care

If you stay mostly around people who put you down, your self-respect will erode.

• Spend more time with those who treat you with basic kindness and respect.
• Spend less time (where possible) with those who mock, control, or belittle you.

You don’t water a plant with acid and expect it to thrive; the same is true for you.

Act in line with your values

Think about what kind of person you want to be (for example: kind, honest, fair, brave, thoughtful).

• Each day, pick one small action that fits that value.

• Kind: send a supportive message.
• Honest: tell the truth in a small situation.
• Brave: speak up once where you’d usually stay silent.

Self-respect grows when your actions match the person you want to be.

What self-respect feels like over time

As self-respect strengthens, you may notice:

• You apologise less for existing, and more only when you truly did wrong.
• You feel more solid inside, even when others don’t approve.
• You are less willing to lie, show off, or mask just to be accepted.
• You feel more able to walk away from people and places that keep hurting you.

Self-respect does not mean you never feel insecure again. It means that even when you are scared, sad, or ashamed, there is a deeper voice in you that says, “You still deserve care. You are still a human being worthy of decent treatment, including from yourself.”