What is Flexibility?

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Flexibility

Being flexible, allows for better coping with life’s challenges because in means being able to bend without breaking when life does not go to plan. It is the skill of adjusting thoughts and actions to fit the situation, instead of rigidly doing the same thing every time and getting stuck.​

What “being flexible” means here

Psychological flexibility is:

• Noticing what is happening (outside and inside) right now.
• Allowing uncomfortable thoughts and feelings to be there without panicking or shutting down.
• Choosing what to do based on values and what will actually help, not just on habit or fear.​

Research links this kind of flexibility to better mental health, less depression and anxiety, and greater wellbeing over time.​

Why flexibility helps coping

Rigid coping is doing the same thing in every situation (for example, always avoiding, always joking, always trying to “fix” everything), even when it clearly does not work. Flexible coping is matching the response to the situation:

• Using problem-solving when something can be changed.
• Using acceptance and soothing when something cannot be changed right now.​

Studies find that people who can switch strategies like this cope better with stress and show fewer depressive symptoms than those who stick to one style no matter what.​

Ways to build flexibility

Pause and name what is happening

• Ask: “What exactly is the problem here? What am I feeling?”
• This brief pause makes it easier to choose a response instead of reacting on autopilot.​

Ask, “Can I change this, or not?”

• If yes: take one small problem‑solving step (plan, ask for help, change something practical).
• If no: use acceptance skills (breathe, allow feelings, comfort yourself, focus on the next small constructive action).​

Stay connected to your values

• In tough moments, ask: “What kind of person do I want to be in this situation?” (for example, honest, kind, persistent).
• Let that answer guide the next small action, even if you still feel stressed.​

Practise “both/and” thinking

• Replace all‑or‑nothing thoughts (“This is terrible, nothing will help”) with “both/and” (“This is really hard, and there are still small things I can try”).
• This widens options instead of shutting them down.​

Being flexible for better coping is like having a toolkit instead of just a hammer: noticing what kind of problem is in front of you, picking the tool that fits, and staying willing to swap tools when one is not working. Over time, this makes stress less overwhelming and life more workable.

Further Reading​