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Empathy
Empathy is the ability to feel with someone, not just think about them. It is when you try to step into another person’s shoes and imagine what life feels like from their side, while still knowing you are you and they are them.
What empathy is
Empathy means:
- You listen and try to understand how someone feels.
- You mentally “sit next to” them, rather than judging or fixing straight away.
- You let their feelings matter, even if you don’t fully agree with their view.
It is different from:
- Pity – looking down on someone (“Poor you”).
- Sympathy only – feeling sorry for them from a distance.
- Fixing – jumping in with advice without really hearing them.
Empathy is more like: “I’m not in your situation, but I’m really trying to feel what this is like for you.”
How empathy looks in everyday life
Empathy often sounds like:
- “That sounds really hard.”
- “I can see why you’d feel that way.”
- “If that happened to me, I might feel similar.”
- “I don’t fully get it yet, but I want to understand. Tell me more.”
It also shows in how you are with someone:
- You give them space to speak without interrupting.
- You don’t mock or dismiss their feelings.
- Your tone is gentle and your body language open.
Why empathy matters
Empathy:
- Helps people feel less alone with their pain or joy.
- Builds trust and safety in relationships.
- Reduces conflict, because you pause to understand before reacting.
- Helps you respond in ways that actually fit what the other person needs.
When empathy is missing, people often:
- Feel unseen, unheard, or “too much.”
- Shut down or explode because no one “gets it.”
- Retreat behind masks and stop sharing their real self.
Simple steps to practice empathy
Listen more than you speak
- Let them finish their story.
- Try not to plan your reply while they’re talking.
- Notice their tone, face, and body, not just the words.
Reflect back what you heard
You can say things like:
- “So you’re feeling really disappointed because…”
- “It sounds like you’re hurt and also angry.”
This shows you’re trying to understand, and gives them a chance to correct or deepen what they meant.
Hold back quick judgement and advice
Instead of:
- “You’re overreacting.”
- “Just do X and you’ll be fine.”
Try:
- “That reaction makes sense given what you went through.”
- “Do you want advice, or do you just want me to listen right now?”
Use your imagination
Quietly ask yourself:
-
“If I had their history, fears, and pressures, how might this feel?”
You’re not saying they are right about everything; you’re just trying to feel what their experience is like.
Empathy for yourself
Empathy is not only for other people; you also need self‑empathy:
- Noticing your own feelings and saying, “Of course I feel this way after what happened.”
- Giving yourself understanding instead of instant blame.
- Asking, “What do I need right now?” with genuine care.
Self‑empathy supports self‑care, self‑respect, and healing from shame.
When empathy has limits
Empathy does not mean:
- Agreeing with harmful behaviour.
- Letting people cross your boundaries.
- Taking on everyone’s pain as your own.
You can hold both:
- “I can see this person is hurting and why they act this way,” and
- “It still isn’t okay for them to hurt me. I need to protect myself.”
Healthy empathy has boundaries: you care, but you don’t disappear.
In simple terms: Empathy is the human skill of sitting beside someone in their feeling, instead of standing above them with judgement or far away with indifference. It says, “You are not alone in this moment,” without pretending to fix or fully understand everything.
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