Honesty and Truth
Honesty and truth sit at the centre of both authenticity and “showing off” – boasting, exaggerating, attention-seeking, etc. They are what your real self stands on, when it is brave enough to stop performing and start simply being the real you.
What honesty and truth are
Honesty means telling the truth as you know it, both to yourself and to others. Truth, in this personal sense, is:
- What really happened (facts)
- What you really feel and need (inner reality)
- What you really intend (your motives)
Being honest does not mean saying everything to everyone all the time. It means that what you do say is not fake, twisted, or used to hide who you are.
The idea of a “fact”, is in itself, something to be careful of – as children we are often taught something as a “fact”, but later, find that this fact might only ever have been an assumption. Never claim to know anything as a fact, unless you have personally checked it, and know it to be true.
How honesty links to authenticity
Authenticity is living in a way that matches your inner self. Honesty is the language that inner self uses. When you are honest:
- Your words and your feelings line up
- Your “yes” and “no” mean what they say
- You do not have to keep track of lies or roles
Without honesty, authenticity collapses. You can’t be “real” while you are constantly hiding, changing, or inventing a version of you for other people.
How it contrasts with “showing off”
“Showing off” often comes from pain; exaggerating or lying to get attention, love, or safety when you secretly feel empty or unworthy. In that state:
- Truth feels dangerous: “If they know the real me, they’ll leave.”
- Lies feel protective: “If I impress them, maybe I’ll be safe.”
A kind view of honesty understands this: people often bend the truth because they are hurting, not because they are evil. The aim is not to shame the “showing off” part, but to slowly help it trust that the plain, unpolished truth of you is enough.
How to practice honesty with yourself
Name your real feelings: Instead of “I’m fine,” try: “I’m tired,” “I’m hurt,” “I’m scared,” or “I’m jealous.” Even if you don’t say it out loud, say it to yourself first.
Notice when you perform: Ask gently: “Was I just trying to impress them, or was I being me?”
No attack, just awareness.
Own your motives: When you do something, quietly ask: “Why did I really do that?” To be kind? To be seen? To avoid conflict? Honest answers teach you who you are.
Write it down: A journal is a good place to tell the truth without fear. “What did I pretend today?” and “What felt most true today?” are powerful questions.
How to practice honesty with others
Start small: Tell the truth about simple things: “I’m too tired to go out,” instead of making excuses. Each small honest act builds self-respect.
Use kind, clear words: Honesty does not have to be harsh. “That upset me,” is more truthful and less damaging than “You always ruin everything.”
Correct yourself when you exaggerate: If you notice you’ve stretched the truth, you can say, “That was an exaggeration – here’s what really happened.” This feels scary at first, but it’s a strong act of self-trust.
Respect your own boundaries: Sometimes honesty is saying, “I’m not ready to talk about that yet,” rather than pretending you’re fine.
How honesty helps your thinking
Honesty is also a way to clean up your mind:
- You catch stories you tell yourself that are not true, like “Everyone hates me,” or “I always fail.”
- You check those thoughts against reality: “Is this a fact, or a feeling?”
- You adjust your thinking so it fits the truth better.
This makes your thinking clearer, less dramatic, and more grounded. You react less from old wounds and more from what is actually happening.
Bad habits honesty can prevent
Regular honesty and self-reflection help you avoid:
- Chronic “showing off” and masking
- People-pleasing that leaves you empty and resentful
- Quiet self-betrayal (saying yes when you mean no)
- Hidden shame from lies and exaggerations
- Double lives that become too heavy to carry
- The complexity of having to remember what was said, to who.
When you are honest, your life becomes simpler. There is less to hide, less to fix, and less to fear being “found out.”
A gentle way to think about truth
Honesty and truth are not weapons to beat yourself with. They are tools to come home to yourself.
- When you slip into performance, you can notice it, understand why, and gently step back toward your real self.
- When you feel the urge to exaggerate, you can pause and ask, “What am I afraid of if I just tell the truth?”
Over time, the aim is this:
Your inside and outside match more often.
You do not need such a heavy mask.
You can look at yourself and say, “I may not be perfect, but I am real, and that is enough.”
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